People. Where to start. I have learned that people most often are never who they say they are. Forgive me for being jaded but often, when you read between the lines, you see the truth. But I will refuse to be cynical because, isn't our natural tendency to believe the best in everyone we meet...to believe in the core goodness of humankind? The saying goes that the world is going to hell in a handbasket - more often than not, we see it firsthand in our own 'backyards.'

We all have our faults but at some point, you just either fit in or you don't. I don't - the proverbial square peg trying to fit in a round hole. But, if I must conform to societal standards to fit in - I'd rather be on the outs.

I know that God sees me and I know that He has a plan for me - shouldn't that be enough? Well, for most of us, it is not. We want love, affection, friendship, kindness, etc and we strive for that but at what cost sometimes? Is it worth it?

I went through probably the most horrific time of my life and in some ways, I am still going through it every day. The questions with no answers...the raw emotion that you think you can handle or forget. The human psyche just doesn't work that way. You jump into friendships, relationships hoping for it to be different, better...fulfilling. However, if you have the same voids you are trying to fill...and you do not realize what to fill those voids with...well, you choose the same thing over and over again. You choose the same traits in the people you surround yourself with because, subconciously, you are still attempting to "fit," to understand why, how, what...

So, the result is always the same until you take that stand and decide there truly IS a plan, there truly is something more important - YOU. The you that you can be, are supposede to be, lost along the way somewhere. That in no way should be interpreted as selfishness but more like self-preservation. Until you see that you are worth it, that fitting in does not in and of itself define happiness...when you realize and decide it doesn't matter who likes you and who doesn't...well, THAT is your defining moment in your life.

Sometimes, it should just be enough to be yourself.